“For when we came into Macedonia, we had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within” (2 Corinthians 7: 5, NIV)
After my dear son’s health crisis in September 2014 I got really distressed. We had been at the intensive care unit many times before, but for the first time the idea of “it’s all over” crossed our minds. And I came out from this experience with a lot of fear.
A couple of days later I reached out to a friend of mine, a godly woman, mother of a beautiful girl who has had her share of medical issues. Her daughter has undergone more than 30 surgeries and went through near-death experiences several times. I asked her for prayer support and advice as I did not want to live in fear. She replied to me: “I have experienced that feeling many times and I also have been there…with her about to leave…I’ll be praying for you. Although we are believers and we know that He is real, we have to open our hearts to him because this is about our little babies…” The phrase “we must open our hearts to him” really hit me.
We mistakenly believe that we must open our hearts to the Lord just once to accept him as our Savior. But we must open our hearts to Christ every day, because every day our “little I am” wants to sit on the throne that belongs to the “Great I Am”. Every day there is a struggle of our affections … to what or whom we would love more.
I recently read a book by John Piper, “Disability and the Sovereign Goodness of God”, that made reference to the verse of Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ” Piper said that none of this will make sense, or be helpful, if God himself, and the glory of his incomparable works, is not our greatest treasure.
The Bible won’t be a real source of comfort until I love God more than my body, my health, my comfort, my work, my goals, my performance, my ministry, my marriage, my children, etc., . My life will be determined by the circumstances, by the things I want, and by the things I don’t like until the glory of His purpose is my greatest desire.
Managing the fears that come along with the word “cancer” has not been a different process. For the “fears within” we must open our hearts to the Lord every day. We must believe in the goodness of the Lord every day. J.I. Packer, theologian, said that “Calvary is the measure of the goodness of God”. Jesus is the greatest reminder of the goodness of God. That’s why we must return to the Cross every day.
Psalm 34:4 says: “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears”. The word “answered” may also be translated as “to sing”. Everyone has a “fear within”. But for every fear, even for those we don’t dare to pronounce, Heaven has a song of love and deliverance. We just need to open our hearts every day.
All rigths reserved. Rebecca Parrilla. May/2015