I admit it. I made a mistake. I made a “Google” search about the statistics of metastatic breast cancer. Most of the data (which in some websites is pretty outdated) talked about a 2-5 years period. My whole mindset was shattered. Imagine dropping a giant glass ball from the top of a building.
But then I realized that I needed to go on and keep dreaming. That is the life of faith. I realized that the most important beliefs regarding my life and the future remained intact with this diagnosis: I believe in a sovereign God, life is a temporary assignment, and there is eternal life through Christ. So my dilemma has not been about whether or not to dream again, but what to dream from now on.
Culture dictates what people my age (almost 40 years old) should dream. The expectations are to raise a family, to climb up the career ladder, and to somehow safeguard the future. There is nothing wrong with those things, but if God gives me life, if He grants me “x” additional years of life…should I live only for those things? Is this all? So, through this process, and I’m crying while I’m writing this, I have developed a sense of urgency, a greater sense of responsibility for the use of my time and for the dreams I’m pursuing.
I read the book A.W. Tozer, Man: The Dwelling Place of God. Tozer provides a method to test a new doctrine, a new habit, or a spiritual experience. He proposes to ask ourselves how has it affected our attitude toward and our relation to God, Christ, the Holy Scriptures, self, other Christians, the world and sin.
What an excellent tool! Is God more magnified through my dreams? Will I love God more? Will my dream cause Him to be more wonderful and Holy before my eyes? Does this dream make Christ indispensable? Is my dream approved by the Scriptures? What does my dream do to my love for and dependence on the Scriptures? Will Christ be exalted through this dream or it is all about me? Is this about my self-satisfaction? Will I become a more generous and compassionate person? Will I be able to love more and better through this? Are my dreams promoting fellowship with the world and the things that are in the world? Does my dream make holiness more attractive and sin more intolerable?
Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Of course the life of faith is about dreaming, but it is not about dreaming any dream…
All rights reserved. Rebecca Parrilla, November/2015